Please God, save the boys and not the queen....

Wuderbar....Heil Deutcheland...


I really should take a swipe at this and lay down simple rules for FabiGo Capello...

Forgotten Zonker rules on how to make English boys win World Cup

1. Team Manager - Posh Spice

2. Team coach  - David Beckham's hair dresser.

3. Team Masseur - Simon Cowell

4. Goal Keeper - Lady Gaga

5. Backs - The entire British press including Elton John.

6. Midfield - Hire Paris Hilton and Britney Spears ( on loan )

7. Forwards - Wifes of Gerrard, Cole, Terry, Heskey, Rooney and James

A sure win formula.


England & if u are English reading this, 2014 is just four years away for another round of humilation....hehe.

English - I hate to say this but maybe u can learn "sepak takraw" instead.

Queen E - you better abdicate your thrown and give it to Maradonna.

Eerkk! What u saying???

The below appeared in the on-line star.com.my today. Can someone tell me what is means?


The older suspect had earlier tried to evadearrest by jumping into the Igan River but was caught after a short chase.


???????

Worst Cup...

It's only midway, and it boils down to this....

1. The French are French fried. Raymond Donk-what-ever was told to fornicate himself. Anelka thrown out. No surprises. He's the unwanted French bacon. Players have refused to train, what more play. wowowo. Where's Henry anyway?

2. English boys. Millionaires all of them assembled in one 'green' pitch  and told to score but are groping in the dark looking for the goalpost. They now have somewhat a manifesto / condition if they ever want to carry on playing. How nice! You come to the world Cup drummin all that hye and crap and tell the Italian 'pizza' Capello you want a redress! You want WHATTT!  Oh! English, you're the single most expensive paid players anywhere on this planet and you can't even beat teams like 10 ladders down. Fabio, you should have made the WAGS represent England on the pitch. Believe me...they WILL score BIG...hehehehe

3. Af-Reee-Kaaa. Venue Africa but none of the African teams are doing well at all. This is just not acceptable. Most of them are multi billionaires the moment they set foot on Mandela soil but have lost the gutso to play and beat the Caucasian boys. But then again, they have the Vuvuzula or whatever that is blazing down ears and deafening the spirit. But you got to admire the colour of the spirit of these half-dunked boozed Arfeekans. Its party time way down South Africaaaa.

4. Communist Korea. I read four players went missing. Hey Koreeooo! After losing almost half a dozen goals to Eusabio's revenge frenzy Portugal, you better run away from your camp and seek asylum. Salvage some pride rather than face the museeek in your nuclear powered "homeland."

5. Maradona Maradona Prima Donna. He really should have married Madonna.  They players confessed playing for him and not for the country. I don't blame them. Maradona is by far more important then the World Cup. Even to this day the passion in him towards football can douse any team. The only Coach / Manager who allows sex in camp. Hail to the Donna!!! hahahaha....

6. The World Cup is for sale?  Anyone? Men in black perhaps. There comes this guy from Mali and blows the whistle like a choo-choo train each time the ball is kicked at the right direction. Heck! I can do a better job than that. Did he get paid or did he forget to collect his parcel at FIFA HQ.

More to come....i just can't wait...
      

World Cup - Football....

The madness starts today in Down South Arf-reee-kaaa. A nation where the blacks easily outnumber the whites.

Hooohoooo.....to the African Beat

My Predictions : The Argentinas to carry the Cuppa.

Sitback. No need for Flux-Capacitors for this. Just Enjoy.

On the hindsight, I strongly believe this will be the worst world Cup ever staged.

Free food anyone....!

Again, this is about an eatery, a restaurant in Pandan Indah belonging to an Indian.

If you need to eat, irrespective of what your budget is, do visit this restaurant. You can walk in, help yourself with a plate or banana leaf, take whatever food you need on your own, go get your own drink or you may choose to wait for the waiter to attend to you which will take like half an hour and sit and eat all you want. Chances are, if you are "unlucky" the cashier or the waiter will come and ask you what you ate, tell him what you 'actually' ate, then he will bill you and leave the bill on your table.

When you're done eating, wash your hands, make sure you finish your drink else it will be a waste, take the bill with you, walk out of the restaurant, throw the bill into the drain and walk away happily.  

You may choose to come back the next day for another round of free food and guess what, they won't even know you exist. Hahahah....

If you had understood the above, well, that's exactly what I did last Saturday at Pandan Indah's Sri Paandi restaurant.

Here are the reasons why :-

One: The restaurant is run by Indians - which simply means run by donkeys. Donkeys have no food etiquette nor anything that goes along that line.

Two : All the waiters are men. They'll only look and care for if you are a woman. They'll go all out to make your day swell if you are a woman. Even if a 100 men came earlier than a woman, they will serve the woman first. If you still have no idea why, too bad. Even the men, most of them till now have no idea too. You really really need to get into the mentality of these donkeys to comprehend why.

Three: All the waiters including the cashier are from different parts of India. Each has his own donkey tale to tell and all the same time will champion their individuality's tale amongst each other. They'll fight, argue, curse and swear in front of the customers not realising making a jackass of themselves. Don't you still have any idea why I keep terming them as donkeys. One should see them in their light when the issue on politics sets in. All donkeys will congregate and go ballistic at each other forgetting that the customers are listening to their moronic squabbles.

Four. Now comes the cashier. He, I believe is the man behind the show. This goon has his own dumb way of making his customers buy the Indian sweets the restaurant sells. 

Cashier ( comes around with the sweets on a tray) : Why don't you try this?
Customer looks puzzled.
Cashier    : Try this, if its not nice or tasty, you don't have to pay.
Customer savours down the sweets, still looks puzzled and glums back at the cashier.
Customer : Not tasty at all.
Cashier    : Ok, you don't have to pay.

If all restaurants were to adopt this goon's trade philosophy, bankruptcy will set in for sure or we don't have to pay for our food at all. How nice....

Five. Then there is this one guy - I call him the 'tapau' guy. Day in day out all he does is "tapau" food for the walk-in customers. Ask him anything else, he will ensure you that he is the direct descendant of a rhinoceros.

Six. Each time when I eat in this restaurant I need to call to ask for extra helpings like the gravy, which common sense will tell you that Asian food is always consumed with gravy. The waiter will bring you the gravy but minus the spoon. Realising the missing utensil, he will make another trip to get the spoon. And you better hope he does not spot a woman walking into the restaurant else ( you may need to re-read reason two) and there goes your spoon. He WILL run to get a rag to clean the table for the woman and will wait on until she orders. When he is done, he will come around (and if you are lucky) will ask if there is anything else you want when you're still waiting for the spoon. Still no idea why the donkey term.

Seven : When these waiters are attending to the customers, you can tell that their minds are elsewhere. I figured it, it is always India. Why? One spontaneously spoke to me in an alien language. He was day-dreaming of India. Realising his mistake, he smiled and said, "I was talking to the other waiter about the politician from his village...blahhh..blahhhh..and more blahhhhh."
Politics is one area you really can't challenge arguing with these Indians. They are so into it to the extend they can Wikipedia you the names of all Indian politicians from the dawn of time and acutely tell you even the birthdate of the mistresses the politician slept with. 
 
Eight : Most times, I do pay. All I need to do is walk-up to the cashier and wait like hours. It is a general perception amongst these Indians that all customers will wait no matter how long it takes, to pay their bill. I've waited more than 15 minutes at times just to pay RM1.20 for "teh-tarik."

Nine, Ten, Eleven ..... there are just so many more reasons I could write but it is fruitless. A donkey is always a donkey.

So, the conclusion I gather is simply this - eat as much as you want, don't bother about the bill. Just walk away when you are done. If at all you are caught, don't worry. They won't call the police for they would be inviting more trouble to themselves. 

I don't frequent this restaurant anymore, and there are times the cashier actually called out to me while passing by to come and eat in his restaurant. He must have realised the missing customer in me.

Now, let me also tell you the sad part of theses workers. All the workers are underpaid and work long hours. This is a gross violation of Human Rights but then again, HUMAN WHAT?? The Malaysian cliche. You can see the sadness and tiredness on their faces when they had to please and serve every customer. I really can't blame them and I have never reprimanded nor charred them either. I know well what's it like to start work from 6 morning till midnight. 

I would very much like to meet the grand owner of this restaurant. I would also very much like to kick his bloody filthy arse for harbouring workers like slaves. The owner or should I say the bastard who owns the Sri Paandi chain of restaurants should be skinned alive and auctioned off at the hog's market while he is still breathing out through his sore arse.

Wata a worthless faggot he must be and I DO HOPE HE READS this. I would be more than glad to MAKE his day.

Old ...

We grow old. Its inevitable. Ageing is a beauty, a work of life's art- a sculpt of the creator. What's it like being old? Be it men or women, what goes in the mind of an old person? How does an ageing person view things new to them?

I was having lunch at this restaurant which I frequent when an old couple walked in. They sat calmly nearest to the entrance and waited patiently for the waiter to attend to them. They didn't take the trouble to whisk for the waiter and neither go out of their way to get one. Calm as they were and looked very much hungry as well. Looking at them from 2 rows down, I just couldn't take my eyes off that old couple, for they reminded me of my late grand parents. 

I could tell from the way they looked, their smiles and the way they enjoyed their lunch that they had come a long way, a very very long way in mannerism and etiquette. I betcha they have seen and experienced things I may have yet to know and learn.

I came back home, still thinking of the old couple. I powered up my notebook and I penned the below ...


The wrinkled shine...

I wake up only to pretend the sleep
I crave for each day had left me years ago;

I look out the window, all I see
is an empty blackness of dawn.

My skin wrinkled, rough and coarse,
scars blackened against the dawn;

It's another morning's 7 o'clock. I frown over,
no cream no sugar, black coffee is what I'm good for;

I can no longer hear the morning children,
My hearing too had left me all a sudden;

My pupils discoloured and watery,
as the skin on my palms peel away;

I wash myself for the walk I yearn,
That's the only thing I can do to earn. 

My legs are no longer the strong stilts,
with time they both had withered with my guilt;

May I play along with you my dear grandchild,
From the playground I faintly hear the fun;

I pick up my cane and hat,
And walk hurriedly slow to the gate;

Only to know from last night's rain,
Dew drops had fallen icing the gates;

I trod and plod forth hoping to catch my friend,
For she too comes to the ground to blend;

How is the morning today, I gaze into her,
All's well, only a day shorter to the maker.

Tips..and away u go......