Simon Cowell..

Extracted from an email.
American Idol judge Simon Cowell's laser mouth comments..

"You have the personality of a handle."

"You sounded like you were being strangled."

"You came in, you called yourself champagne and you sounded like house wine."

"You doing that ballad is rather like casting Ricky Gervais as Rambo."

"You have just invented a new form of torture."

"Let me throw a mathematical dilemma at you – there's 500 left, well how come the odds of you winning are a million to one?"

"Shave off your beard and wear a dress. I think you’d be a great female impersonator."

"What was that song? Darling, it's not just that you have a bad voice... you were singing notes that have never been invented."

"Your mouth is far too big when you sing. It's like looking in to a cave... I've never seen anything so huge in my life. Absolutely terrible."

"If you sung like this 2,000 years ago, people would've stoned you."

"I could sell you as a sleeping aid. I've never heard anything more boring in my life."