Steven's Corner...www.stevenscorner.com.my

Why do I have these problems with eateries? What is it about me and restaurants that just don't jive?

I'm going to tell you my Steven's Corner gaffe or simply a donkey’s drama. This happened a few years ago and I totally forgot of this incident until a colleague spoke about the food he ate at Steven's Corner in Mid Valley.

But, mine is the one opposite Pantai Hospital at Pandan Indah - the corner lot. If you've not patroned this restaurant, I urge you please do. Let me NOT stop you because all I want is you to experience the chafe feeling I got the first and last time I 'ate' there.

I believe this eatery belongs to a Malaysian Hindu family run by a gang of Kung-fu brothers. (You have to see their outfit - same as Bruce Lee la). Psst... There is a gal too who I believe is the sister, equally skinny kung-fu bitchy material. So, you may ask if I was karate or kung-fued? No. It's worst. It was more going against the credo and motto of the restaurant.

Simple...this is WHAT happened - to ME.

I walked in, picked a cozy spot by the little hot stove not realizing there was food being micro-cooked.

Waiter come to me (An Indian - not Malaysian) and spoke Melayu. I get this a lot even from Hindus in Malaysia. Blame my late mum for the rebranding thing - me looking like Bangla.

Time: After dusk... 1900hrs or past or something.

Waiter: "Makan?"

Me : (looked around...being first time and all). "Nasi Goreng Biasa."

Waiter: Shook his head like helicopter blades. All Indians do that. "Ayaem? (more head shaking ) Sutong?"

Me : "Takpe...bagi biasa punye, takmau ayam, takmau sotong."

Waiter: now the whole body shaking in unison with his head. "tarak ...tarak."

I was kinda stunned. I asked why? He said, they serve Nasi Goreng either with ayam or sotong and insisted I eat with either or both. I was charred but kept my 'cool' and decided to bypass food and go for a simple teh-tarik.

Me : "Takpa...makan tamau. Teh tarik kecik."

Waiter: again the same helicopter spins of his head but at super accelerated rotations. "Kechi tarak, semeu besarrrr."

Me : I looked owled. “Besar takmau...I sonneted my tone higher -  'chinne' gelas in Tamil.” (chinne = small).

HE looked at me; the helicopter spin stopped and gave me the typical Indian 'calculate' look. He said, its past 7 and we don't serve drinks in small glasses. After 7 all big glasses.

Me: NUCLEAR SHOCKED. At this moment, I swear I asked myself - who is the customer actually?

I looked around and there were many with 'chinne' glasses of teh-tarik on their tables. I pointed to the others and said, "Why they can?"

He said they ordered before 7.

".....Oh dear Lord... pls forgive me for all my sins. I know not what i did. I only came to eat but never knew you would torture me to this extend....."

The waiter went quiet and started his helicopter head spin anti-clockwise.

I got up and said "I want to talk to your 'mottha-lallee' (boss)."

He smiled through his broken tooth, walked away and fetched his boss.

Boss (kung-fu attired): "Yes boss."

I relayed the whole incident to him.

Boss: Shook his head and said a firm "NO."

I got up, he half a foot shorter than me, said, "Do you serve what your customers want or you tell them what they should eat?"

I walked out of the restaurant, went home, and slept with my hunger. From that day I vowed never ever to dine or dunk myself at Steven's Corner. He may not feel any pinch, not even salt-pinch for losing a customer like me but if I were him, losing a customer is like losing my left arm.

Ohh...as I walked out of the restaurant, I said to him "SIOW aarrgh Luuu. Kelinga qui." He looked at me with hatred and I bet with regrets too. Why?

Only Hindus from Penang speak Hokkien to each other.

And he thought he and his Kung-fu siblings were the only ones from Tanjong.

But I have to admit, apart from the above, this restaurant is the only one I know belonging to a Hindu which is popularly partoned by non-Hindu customers. And please - don't take this as a vengeance and boycott this restaurant. Just because I don’t eat there, it does not mean no one else should.

Coming to the state of restaurants in Malaysia, even zoo animals are better served.