Sorry to eavesdrop...

Over the years of time, either with friends or alone, I always had an ear to eavesdrop. Not that I'm the busybody type but when you're born incurious of your surroundings and observant, you tend to listen what others are talking about. I mean I've ears, so its only fair I do listen to what people around me talk. Some are hilarious, some nauseating, some kill the language, some make English sound aboriginal and some are sheer insults. I don't binge nor interfere but I do feel dumb and in most times wish I could give a piece of my mind but then, this ain't a world of perfection. Like an unavoidable lame crescendo, I tag along and listen what surrounds me...

Here are my collected quips and quotes listening to fellow Malaysians in their daily walk of life.

1. In an elevator, conversation between two Senior Management staff of a Bank.

"So, how's the Regime?"

"Wah! you use Israeli words hah!, Regime! Missile!  You Israel lover aagh?"

"No lahhh"

"You Bush lover?"

I tried my level best NOT to even smile taking into consideration the pun used.


2. Two dorkie Chinese gals at HP ( Hush Puppies - KLCC )

"That dok so cute one ooohh, Got-aagh dok like dat?" (referring to the HP logo - Deutschund)

"The..the cloft make fom dok skin woh?"
...
...
...

I didn't know to laugh or to jump the two stories down.


3. At the ticket counter (Stadium Bukit Jalail). Two Aussies asking two other Malay guys on the sale of tickets.

Aussie guy : "Hi, would you know which coloured seats have a better view of the game?"

Malay guy : "All stadium can see game. Malaysia play Jamaika."

Aussie guy(a bit blurred) : "That's not what I asked."

Malay guy : "You asking buy ticket izit. Here can buy (pointing to the ticket stand.)"

Tho' I wanted to help the Aussies but decided against it and minded my own business as one familiar thought rushed into my mind - the Malays keep saying they don't need to learn a foreign language.


4. An English lady I met unprofoundly sitting opposite me on a train from Padang Besar. She looked more like Mr.Bean's half-sister.

Me : "Hi, Good Morning."

Eng Lady : "Good Morning, you speak English!" She looked startled and a little horrified."

Me (giggling) : "I try."

Eng Lady (giggled) : "For a moment I thought you're going to sit there and stare at me all day," the giggle turned into a sweet pleasant smile.

Me : "Now, why would I want to do that?"

Eng Lady : "That's what I get when I travel in Malaysia."

We both laughed and I had the best conversation ever in a long time coming. We even talked about David Bechkam..Hmm....


5. I was interviewed by chance by a group of Malay gals studying TESL or TESOL from some Mara college at KLCC.

1st Malay Gal : "Hi Sir, nak tanya sikit bleh?"

Me : I nodded my head yes with lots of curiosity as to why there are three young Malay gals surrounding me.

Gal : U Malaysia?

Me : "I am human....are u blind?" 

Gal : All of three giggled to my "joke."

2nd Gal: "Kami nee dari ITM nak intepiew..boleh?"

Me : Interview???  huh!...hmmmm! I nodded my head ..with a lame ok.

3rd Gal (the real interviewer) : "Hi Sir, you speak English.....?" Ohh! God! another doubter!

The interview continued with lots of exchange until I realised the other two gals never opened their mouth. Mind you, there were TESL/TESOL students.

After the interview, this is exactly what happened?

Me : "What made you interview me?"

Gals(giggling) : "My English lecturer is Indian. So I interview Indian, sure I can pass."

Say what!!!!

The state of foolishness amongst students and educators.


6. This is rather a shocker but I salute the masseur.
Place : Chiangmai, Thailand.

I walked into this massage parlour and decided to go for the head, neck and shoulder massage.

The masseur, a young but curious girl had loads of questions to ask as she massaged. First came the name, then the age, then the nationality...then after a short pause, she asked my purpose in Chiang Mai. \

I didn't want to play round the bush, so I answered all her questions diligently. I believe she must have realised I was somewhat good with my answers. Then, a while later, the killer question came which jolted me and i just turned and looked at her like owl.

The Masseur : You have grey hair.
Me : haha! I know, I'm getting old.
The masseur : No...Sir, not Old. Your DNA.
Me : My WHAT???.
The Masseur : Must be the DNA. Maybe the gene.

After the massage, to quench my curiosity, I quizzed her ,"What is DNA?"
The masseur : Deoxiribonueclic acid.

That's exactly what she said.
And ...thank God the head massage cushioned me from the shocker. Don't go assume the Thais are brainless nor education less. Its poverty that drives them to such state of being.


7. This happened when I was younger and working in a bank. This lady walked to the counter to enquire about trade related issues. All she wanted was to send a parcel with vehicle spare-parts to Jakarta.

Lady  : I wan send parcel to Jakarta...how?   can aagh?
Me    : Yea, sure you can.
Lady : What the cheapest way aagh to send?
Me    : By ship from Port Klang.

The lady paused a while and started thinking, then looked up at me and asked.

Lady : Train can send aagh?

I giggled to my self and joking told that she can send the parcel via train when both the governments, Malaysia and Indonesia build a bridge connecting Kuala lumpur and Jakarta. I had hoped she got the joke.

Lady : "Ohh...when agghh, the beegh finish buil?"

Imagine the look on my face.