Bersih, Jangan Tak Bersih 2.0 rally ...

9 July, 2011 will be an historic day for Malaysia. It is estimated 27 million rakyat Malaysia or simply the whole country including Sabah Sarawak and the kawasan kawasan se waktu dengannya including the Orang Utans will be participating in the Bersih, Jagan Tak Bersih 2.0 rally right in the heart of the Federal Capital, Kuala Lumpur.

The Datuk Bandar of Kuala Lumpur has taken the initiative and have voiced out in Parliament to declare July 9 a national holiday to commemorate this 1Rakyat Malaysia Bersama Semua Jenis Maksiat gala event.

This is to show the appreciation to the rakyat of how the administrators love the rakyat and along the way a gala of festivities have been arranged to make Berish, Jangan Tak Bersih 2.0 rally a spectacular event in the Malaysian calendar.  

Lots of organizations and parties from various walks of life, including the Banglas, Indians, Indon and even the endangered species have called in to participate in this event. None want to be left behind and loose out in the merry making of this once-in-a-life time gala by the rakyat.

Some of the organizations who have confirmed participation are from COW (Club for Obedient Wives) who will take the lead in this Bersih, Jangan Tak Bersih 2.0 rally. It is timely as COW will set up booths along the way to render services to the men and husbands/boyfriends/sugar daddies who will be tired and exhausted in the rally.

Not forgetting along the rally are the other organizations who have eagerly voiced their participation as well. There are none other than HINDRAF (India excluding Mamak),  BANKDRAFT (Gabongan Bank-Bank Malaysia), MCA, MIC, KITA, MEREKA, AWAK, DIA, KAMI, PAS, UMNO, KATAK, GOAT, MAMPUS, FAMA, MAMA, MAAU, TAKMAU, JAWI, SAWI, MISAI, JANGGUT, KUDA, BERUK, UNTA IPOH, KOPI, SUSUKOM, DAD, MUM, DOG, CAT, FISH and list goes on.  Phewww…

You have no idea. The list is overwhelming and Guinness is seeking to have  all this activities recorded as the most participating organization ever in one single event.

The Guinness Book of Malaysian record will be there to record the event as it will be the first in the country where various gabungan-gabungan and organisasi-organisasi dari seluruh Malaysia will be coming together under one Rosmah’s umbrella.

Foreign involvement is also being looked into – NASA, COLUMBIA, UN, NATO, BATUK, UNICEF, MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E., HOLLYWOOD and BOLLYOOOD too have asked to join in to make the event merrier.

DBLK has requested the Primer Minister, Najib to approve a soft loan of 100 million US Dollars (under the table) to ensure the event of such a mega proportion goes on without any hitches. It is understood DBKL has organized a string of concerts, tele matches, traditional games, Twin-Towers climbing, F1 races, Kuda Kepang dances, Parachute Jumps, Mat Rempit Illegal rallies and Malaysian Idol song and dance competition. There will also be a teh tarik roti Canai competition as well. 

Datuk Siti Nurhaliza, P.Ramlee & Saloma and Alley Cats together with Jaclyn Victor with Simon Cowell, the late Sai Baba (apparition) will be there to judge this mega event. The one single winner will get to go to the Moon by the first Made-in-Malaysia DAP rocket and hence open a teh-tarik roti canai restaurant on the moon. Its is reputed the Americans and Russian are baffled as to how Malaysia could send a engineless Rocket to the moon and plans are a foot in Pentagon to assess the situation. There will be a choose the 2^nd Malaysian Astronaut programme which will be hitting nation-wide soon.

The entire Malaysian wooden Cabinet is overjoyed and excited as the event reels near to its height of funfair. There will loads of booths selling all sorts of items from kayu arang to pasir and china dolls to Viagra all along the routes.

As a kind warm and formal gesture, COW has decided to set up booths for men who while in the rally who may in need of ‘sentuhan mesra’ (sensual touch) , if a need arises. The COW team have also decided to wear skimpy outfits to showcase that they mean business and do care for all men, irrespective of creed or gender. There will be massage camps all along the way – foot, hand, head, body and private part as well.

COW is overjoyed as their ideology is finally being spearheaded by the rakyat and all for the well being of all the promiscuous men in the rally.

The Emcee for the event is yet to be decided but various sources have indicated Ibrahim “katak” Ali from PERKOSA, Hisapmuddin of UMNO Youth or Taksin Sinawatra, the Thai exiled Prime Minister will be chosen.  This is yet to be confirmed later by the mayor of Kuala Lumpur.

The trio Datuk T and gang will perform a special “show the crowd of how to record and show porn in public” show. This is an event not  to be missed and tickets for the front row seats are selling like pisang goreng. The front VVIP seats are taken up with the likes of Queen Elizabeth, Elton John and husband and the Pope.

The event will be beamed live via RTM, TV3 Suku, CNN, Nat GEO, AXN, STARSPORTS, HBO, STAR MOVIES and ASTRO Stadium.

It is also reported James Cameroon of Avatar is planning to shoot AVATAR 2 during the rally in 4 D

It was also announced no one is allowed to wear yellow on the day of the rally. This is as not to coincide with the colour of royalty. But if the need arises to wear yellow, one can wear the kulit (skin) of the banana over their head. Looking like a banana is perfectly ok to the authorities. It does not violate the Malaysian constitutuion and any other law enacted by Malaysia.

The organizers have come up with colour codes to wear on the Bersih, Jangan Tak Bersih 2.0 rally. The colour recommended are Pink for men, Brown for Women, Blue for Gays, and Indigo for Lesbians. And for the heterosexuals, they have a choice to don birthday suits or Liberace suits.

The main march of the Bersih, Jagan Tak Bersih 2.0 rally will be along all the drains and monsoon pipes running in and out of the city. Each person will be given a broomstick and shall clean, sweep and wipe the drains and roads as they march by.

The Prime Minster is anticipating a good cleanup of the city and to show the world how united Malaysians are when Kotor is all over the nation when a mega event comes by.

It is also noted that neighboring countries, Thailand, Singapore and Indonesia are trying to follow suit and will be seeking Malaysian authorities on how to become Kotor and imply the Bersih campaign.

Malaysia has got a date with destiny to explain to the world the profound meaning of the 1Malaysia concept.  

Packed lunches byway of rendang gendang, thosai apom, nasi lemak and nasi minyak will be served. No nasi kuning is allowed on this day as it clashes with the ideology of the colour yellow.

There will also be a floats procession showing Anwar’s porn to the public and henceforth a string of Kavadis shall march along during the July 9 rally.

Many foreign dignitaries are expected to arrive to grace and witness this mega event of the century. All Malaysians are urged to take the day off, by way of MC or emergency leave to attend the rally. The Kesatuan Rela and Sukarela medical team will set up a booth for those who need to get forged MCs for the day.

The high light of the event will be tug-of-war event. The main event will be none other than the tug-of-war between Ambiga Vs Ibrahim, DAP vs. MCA and MIC vs. The Combined Bangra and Gudwara society.

A lucky draw will be held. The winner of the draw will get to be the next Prime Minster of Malaysia and eventually will organize the next Kotorkan, Jangan Tak Kotor 3.0 rally.

So, to you all Malaysians….see you there.

Or, help us God.

liquidearth