10 BERSIH Commandments ...

Welcome to Malaise...and for those who'll be in the nation's capital on July 9, here below are the 10 Golden rules on this particular day  :- 

Rule No.1 - You'll need to declare the colour of your skin at the immigration. If you're green, blue, red, purple or even charcoal, lucky you. If you're YELLOW, I'm sorry to say the Malaysian authorities will arrest or deport you without question.

Rule No.2 - July 9, Saturday is NOT, I repeat NOT a national Holiday. It's now deemed an Illegal day. So, the Malaysian uniformed authorities insist you stay either at home, in a hotel, rent a chalet, a hut, hide inside a hole, or live on tree-tops. Kuala Lumpur is a green city and we have plenty of trees to accommodate you.   

Rule No.3 - Don't even try to ask, inquire or get to know the meaning of the word 'BERSIH'. This very word now is construed illegal and can land you into loads of trouble. BERSIH is an illegal civil-rights movement who is fighting to bring in fair and just elections in the country. It also had got the consent of the King to have a peaceful rally but the Government of Malaysia has branded it a dangerous movement that is inciting to bring in chaos and anarchy. 

Rule No.4 - Irrespective at which entry point you're coming from, do remove all clothing associated with the colour yellow. Yellow is the official 'disaster' colour of BERSIH and it is deemed illegal and dangerous. By chance, if they find you have tattooed your skin to camouflaged your yellow skin tone, may I suggest, you turn back and run away as fast as you can. Don't even think of jumping into the sea to escape for the authorities may use Scopene submarines to track you down.

Rule No.5 - All bus permits from anywhere in Malaysia to the nation's capital is now freeze. In simplicity, they'll be no buses travelling to Kuala Lumpur. You may need to use other modes of transport to get to Kuala Lumpur but I assure you our Light Rail Transit and KTM Commuter trains will run but only on graveyard hours. So, help you GOD.

Rule No.6 - If you plan to attend any concerts in the city of Kuala Lumpur, or to do some shopping or even to go on a family outing, may I suggest you visit the zoo rather then anything else. Reason being -this will be the day when zoo animals will be accorded more humane treatment than us humans in the city. It will be a privilege for them to have your acquaintance. 

Rule No.7 - They'll be massive road blocks all over the city. So, do prepare contingency plans if you need to use the washrooms. It is highly recommended you bring along urinal pots just in case the call of nature beckons. There is a strong feeling all public urinals will be closed for renovation on that day. 

Rule No.8 - For tourist who spot yellow faced passports or coming from banana republic, do check in with your embassies to change your national fruit to durian just to be on the safer side. Else, all hell will break loose on you and they may cage you with our endangered orang utans. 

Rule No.9 - If at all you're caught and you've no idea what you should do; you need not despair. We have a large number of people all locked up and they too have no idea what to do either. So, you're not alone.

Rule No.10 - We have lots of yellow coloured cabs / taxis in the city. Don't you even try to hail them to give you a ride. You'll be courting disaster and that will lead you to incarceration. Note : In Malaysia, we have the right to jail you without question and can make you remain in jail without question. You have no right to an attorney and we change our laws as and when we like. 

Even reading this may and can put you in trouble.

Anyway, we hope you'll have a pleasant stay in our nation's capital, enjoy the warmth and the hostile environment. If you're arrested, bullied, kicked or punched or even go missing, don't take it personally. We hope you take back with you all your fond and warm memories of your stay with us. 

Hoping to never to seeing you ever again.

Tata.