All time first ... way to go

We Malaysians have a knack to be first in every thing. It seems like a cool paranoia amongst Malaysians. Check out our Guinness Book of Malaysian Records - the nth edition. I bet they're many first in there. First from last is I believe recorded as well.

Rod Stewart in his song sings, the first cut is the deepest.  That is a damn true statement. Anything that happens to us for the first time is always kept as remembrance and close to the heart. Dont' you agree? So, the Guinness Book of Malaysian Records is a defo treasure book. Go get one if you haven't.

To start off, here are some of the first we would have encountered without realising. They're just so many things that can come first to a Malaysian. 

• first day in school
• first time teacher scold or beat
• first time watch movie.
• first time ate ice-cream
• first time did something "naughty" and parents never got to know.

Well! Did you get that point. The list goes on and on. No harm in listing them down and having it plastered on your room wall or somewhere you fancy reminded.

They're also things that can be first to you tho' it never happened to you. Things like : -

• your neighbour died.
• you caught your neighbour throwing rubbish into another neighbour's house.
• your favourite artist got married to a 3 time widower.
• your three door away neighbour's daughter got caught by the cops for whatever apparent reason.
• You saw Mr. Someone you know with Mrs. Someone you hate, together.
• your cousin brother's extended relatives mother-in-law had a quarrel with her in-laws neighbour.

The typical Malaysian list of first goes on ever forever.

Now, let's get back to some real issues - issues that make and bake the nation to the extend our dailies rock your boats. And I would like to believe all these are cordially and well recorded in the First Malaysian Book of Dubious Records as well. Another first by virtue.

Here are some of the first in Malaysia you can never find, hear or even read anywhere but in the annals of the Malaysian History and in our dailies, tweets, blogs, FB and many more social web-sites.

How about this for a start - we're the first to have the biggest flag on this planet. The tallest towers. There is an inkling a new taller tower is on the blueprint. Another first to the earlier first.

The biggest nasi lemak ever cooked and packed. The biggest spherical tosai, way bigger that a flying saucer. The biggest moon cake, bigger than the moon obviously. The widest carpet, biggest sarong tapestry, biggest papaya, durian, jambu, and even the largest goat with the longest goatee. 

Let's move on.

We've the longest and the most confusing crime drama ever of the decade, where the person charged is recharged countless times to keep him occupied in the courts no matter what the outcome of the judgement is. On top of that lots of accusations are being lined up to ensure this biggest crime doer does not sodomise any other person let alone the government. This is definitely a first. 

It's a first where a crime is perpetrated and ensured the courts call up only those who are not against the system and ensure everything said in court is seen to be juicy to the dailies and to the selected authorities. 

It's a first when a peaceful rally to call for fair and free elections is banned for the sole reason if the national election becomes rig free, then it is deemed  dangerous and misleading to the Malaysian society.

Another first where anal sex can also be in digital form or via airborne.  If they can make semen in bytes form, you have no idea what they can do to a DNA.

We're the first to have people who show porn in public and yet be given protection by the law.

We're the first to have people swear in a holy shrine, donned with bullet-proof vest to claim their innocence and thus pardoned.

Many foreigners have died either in custody or via sentence but we're the first to kill a foreigner with C4 strapped to the body and yet not know who actually did it. Even the person(s) who did it have no idea if they did it or it was all a hallucination.

We're the first to have tolls on our highway and pay for every 15 minutes.

We're the first to send a Moslem doctor and not an astronaut to space.  

We're the first to have TV shows where you need to imagine what the actor(s) are saying. It really does not matter if you don't understand what the movie is about. 

We're the first to accord non-human rights to humans.

And the gist of all the first; we're the first to hunt for a fugitive who blogs, tweets, screws up the government, gives talks in Universities, supports the Opposition and yet not know where he is hiding. 

The same fugitive was incarcerated under the ISA and later released only to see him flee to another country; presumably the country of his birth. 

Sincerely, I sure do hope you're not the first to hear all these from me.