A no-brainer bridge over the Straits.

The recent announcement to build a RM44 billion bridge linking Peninsular Malaysia and Sumatra has set the maritime community abuzz. Touted to be the biggest infrastructure project ever in Malaysia, the 50 km bridge between Malacca and Dumai is envisioned to enhance socio-economic ties between the two lands. The stunning scope of the project warrants close inspection from a maritime perspective as it will arch above the Straits of Malacca, a key passageway that facilitates a significant volume of global maritime trade. It is certain the bridge would generate significant impacts on the environment and activities in the surrounding area.

      Courtesy of FMT 

In a nutshell, this proposed bridge ain't relevant, definitely not to us Malaysians. Alas, legal or illegal, without a doubt it will make a huge impact to Indonesia. In fact, it'll be the gateway for a perfect getaway to heavenly Malaysia. In Malaysia, we've swarms of Indonesian illegals plying their trade and with a bridge from mainland West Malaysia (Malacca) to Indonesia (Dumai), it'll only serve its sinister purpose more to Indonesians than Malaysians.

Ask any Malaysian of the faux-pas Indonesian problems. From A to Z no Malaysian will hesitate to tell or sing to you the problems and mayhem Indonesians create in Malaysia.
  

Anyway, apart from that, some of the simpler reasons why this 'white-elephant' SHOULD NOT be built may sound something like this :-  

1. Ships can be easily hijacked and disappear into Indonesia.
2. It'll be a whole lot easier and cheaper to move truck loads of Indonesians across into Malaysia in a matter of minutes.
3. Indonesians need not hire tug-boats or barges to Malaysia. All they need to do is walk or cycle across into Malaysia. If caught they can always jump into the ocean and swim towards Malacca as they are good swimmers. 
4. Private-sapu sampans from Dumai to Telok Gong may become more famous than the Titanic.
5. It'll be a lot easier to register Indonesians for the General Elections and if this succeeds Malaysia will definitely propose to build a bridge to Bangladesh as well. 
6. Tony Fernandez will need to cancel all flights to Indonesia. He may need to join force with Virgin's Richard Branson and propose to build an airport / airfield under the bridge or start Sea Asia Hovercraft or Yacht service else he'll stand to loose billions of dollars in revenue.   
7. Due to logistic nightmares, ships plying will take a slower approach navigating through the straits but not the 'sampans' and trolleys from Indonesia.They will have a jolly well time navigating and pirating on the straits.
8. Slower ships would be easy targets for ship hijackers and terrorist attacks. Somalia pirates may move their modus-operandi to Malaysia.
9. The bridge will lend its share of tremors and earthquakes frequenting Indonesia. A direct hit would send colossal damage to the bridge and thus all plying on the bridge will be swimming in the straits of Malacca instead. That too if the bridge does not collapse. Not to discount the after-shocks and an impeding tsunami hitting the bridge.
10. Malaysia will build tolls on the bridge and claim its part and parcel of the bridge building project. The toll project itself will cost billions and Malaysians will be blamed for the tolls. 
11. UMNO will appoint a new Ministry under the cabinet and call it The Minister of Msia-Indon Bridge Affairs.
12. By the time the bridge is completed, the cost would have escalated 2 or 3 times the original cost and Malaysians will be blamed for it.
13. All marine life will prolly be dead due to the 'gegaran' piling of the bridge, thus fishermen may opt to work on the bridge project eventually.
14. Malacca (Padang Kemunting)  having the largest nesting area for Hawksbill turtles (penyu karah) population will eventually see the demise or the end of such a rare marine ecology. Again the people of Malacca will be blamed.
15. Malacca can say bye-bye to Eco-tourism industry for sure.
16. Eventually, Indonesia will fight tooth and nail to lay claim Malacca as part of their territory.
17. Bungee jumping from the bridge could become the latest craze amongst both nations. If the cord breaks it could lead to a new sport called Suicide Jumping.
18. One hour after the opening of the bridge, there would be more Bakso and Tom Yam stalls in Malacca then all Malaysia put together.
19. Indonesians will sell Bakso under the bridge as well. Ships, vessels and cruise liners may make stop overs for a quick snack. 
20. Armed robbery and petty crimes would triple in Malacca within the first quarter hour of the opening of the bridge.
21. Malaysia and Indonesia can square of their diplomatic differences by meeting at the bridge including issues over football, Bakso, Batik, Rasa Sayang song ...the list is ever so redundant.
22. The icing of it all : all the arsenal lost by the PDRM which fell into the sea e.g. firearms, hand grenades, rocket launchers, tear gas rifles, assault tanks, nuclear warheads and submarines and more (just Google up for the full list) can be found under the bride in the straits.

++   ...and Singapore, don't be jealous yeahh. It's not too late. You can still build a link to Indonesia to add insult to Malaysians.  

I'M SURE THE BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED NATIONS 

WILL DEARLY SERVE ITS SINISTER PURPOSE.