Wounds never die..

In one hand it's family, on the other it's cyanide.

I don't know how to relay the little conundrum thats engulfing my whats-left of my family. As the day gets closer for the separation of title and deeds of my late parents' property, my old wounds have started to appear.

For a very long time, like a dormant volcano, I thought my inner sores were gone. I was wrong. How my heart had tricked me. I was made to believe I had finally overcome "the times and fear" I went through being scourged and surviving my childhood-to-teen years...but I've been stupidly blind.

My wounds are reappearing and showing and the burns have somehow started to lynch inside. Every swallow of my pride, I'm now regurgitating it. Each time as I sift through old family documents, my keen observant mind jets me back to my troubled days. Those were the days I still fear to trod and yearn to forget but now like a storm it has come swirling back.

I spent the whole of last night till the wee hours of the morning just before the Spurs versus Milan game searching through my late father's old property documents. They're many missing pieces to the documents and I'm lost and don't know where or what else to do but to bite the memories of the pain inside me. As each thin sheet of paper, creased and browned I touch, the sensuous dryness of it to my phalanges hurt. I had to dab faintly through the little little tears to make it presentable.

I'm now more lost and frightened than a child in a well. The talk of the separation of property had never augured well. I'm voiceless but somehow I need to fulfill my late parent's legacy - a decree I must honour. I also do know my bond with my two only sisters are going to be torn and shredded. My little and grown up nephews and nieces I adore will be parting, leaving me behind. The thought of those lonely dark days are now here. It's like a day before the verdict is published.

My elder sibling whom I use to talk and crack jokes with is hardly all of that anymore. Her pride is now bigger than all my fond memories of us playing and laughing when we were kids put together. Her authority now beckons a feline cat guarding over her brood. This has made my little sister and I Lilliputians. 

I'm now waiting ... sometimes ever so hopelessly ... to know if my sister's name will ever flash on my phone ever.

That's a wait I can only wait waiting.