2013 - My 'humble' predictions...

Forget about resolutions. That's old story.  Every one would make one and never fulfil them. Me too.

Predictions are the new game now. 

Here's my 2013 predictions for Malaysia and Malaysians in no particular order.

BEHOLD!!

• All Malaysians including the citizens of Bangladesh, Nepal, Pakistan, Indonesia, Cambodia, Thailand, India, Myanmar, Laos, The Philippines, Mongolia, Khazakstan, Cows, Pigs and battered foreign maids will be eligible to vote in the forth coming 13th General Election.

• BN (Barisan National) will WIN the 13th Malaysian Polls by hook or crook and every illegal alien will be given Diplomatic Passports and  Identity Cards. 

• Anwar Ibrahim (Pakatan Keadilan Rakyat) will be the new Minister of Yet-to-be-Decided Ministerial Portfolio under Najib's Cabinet and Rosmah's Dressing Table.

• Nik Aziz(PAS) will be canonised under Islamic laws or whatever in the Vatican hence taking the place of the Pope.

• A plenitude of frogs, toads and biawaks will jump higher, further and faster than the Olympic motto and cows will be given Penthouse Suites come the 13th General Elections.

• Datuk Ambiga WILL not be the Chairman or woman of the Election Commission. That post will be rightfully owned by Deepak Jaikishan (Carpet Man of Malaysia).

• Election will definitely be held somewhere in March and only Ibrahim Ali knows its actual date.

• Prices of commodities will NOT go down. The price of Kopi-O-Kosong will rise by 50 cents as no sugar is used.

• Price of oil will rise by whatever amount even if it rains oil in Putrajaya.

• The new richest man in Malaysia will be a woman.

• The largest race in Malaysia will not be the Malays. It will be closely fought between the Banglas and Africans and the new administrative capital will be either Brickfields or Kepong.

• Malaysians will picket, hold candles, stage demos, fight in the streets, rob, murder, rape, fart, laugh, cry, shit and do all sorts of depicts to gain entry into the Malaysian Book of 1Malaysia Records.

• Carpet Sellers, Butt Wigglers, Burger Sellers will join force and form an alliance to contest in the 13th General Elections. 

• Chinese, Indians, Dayaks, Dusuns, Kandazans, Bajaus, Sikhs, and illegal aliens will make up the core of Malaysians in the Civil Service Sector and CUEPACS will change it's name to CUPCAKES or FRUITCAKE.

• The Firm - Mahathir and UMNO will rule the galaxy up to the Sun forever.

• A second Malaysian Malay astronaut will beat the Americans to get to Mars under the 1Melayu Boleh Rakyat Malaysia slogan.

• Ringgit Malaysia will be the dealt or dominant currency under the New "Dumb-Nation" World Order.

• Kuala Lumpur will become the new sex capital of the world for carrying more sex and sex related stories in the dailies.

• Lady Gaga, Rihanna and Erkyah Badu(<---- confirmed) will perform in Kota Bahru and tickets can only be obtained from PAS Youth movement.

• and the final prediction -  All Malaysian anti-government bloggers will be knighted and elected as Backbenchers in Parliament.